I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
