my vag is so smooth its legendary
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
