my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
