I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
