we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
