Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
