i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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