u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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