it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
