weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
