I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
