You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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