For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
