I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
