census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
