R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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