You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
