Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
