i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
