I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize