giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
