just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
