she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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