i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
