I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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