I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
