Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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