Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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