i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
