haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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