capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
