If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
