Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
