Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
