tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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