I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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