i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So vagazzling was a success
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
