Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
