You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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