I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
