if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
