So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
