So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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