I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
