Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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