he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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