I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
