if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
