all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
