Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize