Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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