I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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