Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
