did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
