oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize