my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
