I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
