he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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