"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
