I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
