im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
