Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sext me about skeletons
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
