you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize