It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
