I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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