If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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