I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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