Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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