i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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