Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
