she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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