so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
