I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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