Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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