All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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