She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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