i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
